Thanks Catherine, Am going to revise this poem soon, Glad you like it, Bw
Sally J
>From: catherine JF <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub. A woman's path
>Date: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 14:59:22 +0000
>
>Hello Sally - this is a fine piece of writing. The first two stanzas are
>excellent. I love the lines "bone white ........ night".
>
>Maybe there is a little repetition in the last stanza which diminishes the
>power. Possibly reconsider the first and last lines which echo each other?
>
>Best wishes
>
>Catherine
>>
>>A woman's path
>>
>>Our path is a stream that rolls like a teardrop
>>down mountains and gullies
>>to dry river beds.
>>We splash over boulders
>>bone white in the summer
>>and seep underground in the dead of the night.
>>
>>We merge in the valley
>>with new paths in the springtime
>>when snows of the winter
>>change water to wine.
>>It is there we will marry and laugh in the sunshine
>>and race with the fishes right down to the sea.
>>
>>Too soon we must part and divide in the ocean
>>and where all our tears become salt for the waves.
>>Forever and ever this cycle continues
>>as mist from the sea causes clouds to be formed,
>>which burst over mountains and roll
>>with the raindrops like tears from all woman
>>way down to the sea.
>>
>>
>>Sally James
>>
>>_________________________________________________________________
>>It's fast, it's easy and it's free. Get MSN Messenger today!
>>http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
_________________________________________________________________
Want to block unwanted pop-ups? Download the free MSN Toolbar now!
http://toolbar.msn.co.uk/
|