Hi James,
I'd like all the stanzas to be triplets so I'd work a tad more on the
couplet one!
Might be as easy as:
if you don't write this down image down
now
you will forget it.
Or you might add or change a phrase!
The form, or pattern you've developed and used here is delightful.
And I'm still smiling about the mention of Santa Claus!
I guess it depends on the rest of the series, but I "migh" put a question
mark in pencil alongside the title, see if anything else might turn up if
this piece has to nestle alongside others.
Bob


> >
> > GONE
> >
> > A Canada goose stands on one foot
> > static
> > a statue facing into the wind head first -
> >
> > There is no other bird around it only
> > a small wader
> > walking at the waters edge someway downstream -
> >
> > if you don't write this down image down now
> > you will forget it.
> >
> > You find you have written it down and
> > the goose
> > still stands on the same foot -
> >
> > somebody asks if this is your list for
> > Santa Claus
> > for that's coming around soon
> >
> > Al this will be gone by then and the memory
> > fade
> > just like the appearance of another wader
> >
> > fifty or so metres upstream who approaches
> > near the goose -
> > you look up from writing this and see the wader
> >
> > is still there and the static goose gone and it's
> > nearly time
> > for you too move on - the river birds and you
> >
> > all appear like constants but in a while
> > we'll all
> > be gone
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >