Hi Gary, thanks will work on this some more. Hope your cold gets better.
sallyj
>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub. A woman's path
>Date: Sat, 13 Nov 2004 10:15:00 -0800
>
>Sally, I like this a lot, but think it needs a line by line. I have a cold
>and am not in the frame of mind to do one, but let me give you an example
>of
>what I see
>
>change water to wine.
>It is there we will marry (cut it is and break at marry, consider cutting
>will
>and laugh in the sunshine (cut and)
>and race with the fishes right down to the sea. (cut the and right,
>consider
>a break at fishes
>
>A tighter poem will soar.
>
>Thanks.
>
>Gary
>
>
>
>**For the Fall issue** go to http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ for THE BEST
>NEW ZINE ON THE WEB and to
>http://www.mindfirerenew.com/fireweednov/1104-front.html for our new issue
>of monthly mini-zine. Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
>
_________________________________________________________________
It's fast, it's easy and it's free. Get MSN Messenger today!
http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
|