and they expose shell.
We crack and peel them like prawns
and they are grilled in the heat
Colin, I like the images in the original, the oranges, prawns and
greyhounds, but the poetics a bit better in the revision. In it you end up
a roast, but I was seeing you making them into pate for most of the poem.
Not sure the last lines needed in the original. In the revision you might
consider ending on an empty meal - like it was Chinese and you are hungry an
hour later.
Smiles.
Gary
Writer's Hood, the best poetry on the web, at http://www.writershood.com/
Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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