> Hello Bob,
Thanks for your comments. You and Gary have a point about the opening being prosy, it is. I´m thinking it over. Those opening lines reply directly to the epigraph quoted from Bhatt´s poem but whether they´re necessary, I don´t know. I´m thinking I possibly have two alternatives, either to reword the opening so it´s more `squirrely´, less prosy, or to cut the whole stanza and then change the epigraph. This poetry business is hard work, isn´t it?
Best wishes, Mike
>
> Hi Mike,
> I think Gary's making an interesting point here. I always think of squirrels
> has beng nimble and quick, then stationary, then rapid footed! I find the
> start of the poem so slow. The place gary's mentioned is where I speak as
> rapidly, as scurringly, as I feel squirrels move!
> Do you realy need the start of the poem, the bits before she gets a mention?
> Bob
>
> >From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: New sub: Red squirrels
> >Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 11:07:57 -0700
> >
> >Mike, I would start at
> >
> >Sujata, my squirrels also chase each other
> >round and round the trunk of a tree.
> >It´s not as meaningful as anger,
> >not so directed as lust. I´ve seen them touch.
> >
> >The parts before that too prosey to me.
> >
> >Good end.
> >
> >Thanks.
> >
> >Gary
> >
> >
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> >
>
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