Hi Arthur,
A fine tale but I sense the stanza:
>I gave, too, the bidden kiss
>and a feather of terror stirred
>at the scent of zest there.
is a tad OTT with feather and scent feeling suspicious suspects for why the
stanza feels too unlike the rest of the poem.
How about deleting the whole stanza - and using scent instead of the word
perfume earlier on? I sense the poem strong enough to use simple language.
Bob
>From: Arthur Seeley <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Sub: The scent of Oranges
>Date: Wed, 27 Oct 2004 19:03:51 +0100
>
>The Scent of Oranges
>
>
>
>Strangely still that day, no children played
>
>on the fading hopscotch grids,
>
>curtains drawn in quiet respect.
>
>
>
>" Go down and say goodbye to your Grandma."
>
>I had been bidden. Reluctant, I dawdled,
>
>lazy as a trout, down the sunlit stream of the afternoon.
>
>
>
>I hunkered behind the world's cold back;
>
>wet my finger to clean a scuffed knee;
>
>sucked at an orange until my cheeks stung.
>
>
>
>Heavy curtains bulged with prising light.
>
>Plain pine, chromed handles, set upon trestles,
>
>it loomed - choose how I tried to ignore it.
>
>
>
>I covered my face with my hands.
>
>I puzzled how to grieve, an alien art,
>
>while perfumes of orange pervaded.
>
>
>
>I was bidden to stroke her brow.
>
>The waxen face slept on, lips slightly parted,
>
>a glimmer of shining dentures, rouged cheeks.
>
>
>
>I gave, too, the bidden kiss
>and a feather of terror stirred
>
>at the scent of zest there.
>
>
>
>We buried her in a sodden graveyard
>
>high on the moor road home
>
>to where she had been born.
>
>
>
>Many years later I looked for the unmarked place
>
>in the steep graveyard of secret steps and shades
>
>but who remembers things like the locations of graves.
>
>
>
>I only remember the thudding knock of homage - sod
>
>on coffin roof, the scratch of rain on elder leaves
>
>and hands that reeked of death.
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