Hi Arthur,
Piggy-backing on Sally's mail here because for some reason your original
email got blocked by our IT department. Bizarre! It allows all kinds of junk
mail about viagra through, but not a poem.
Anyway, I liked this, and the whole idea behind it, and wouldn't change
much. I think the repetition works well, and the last verse has real impact.
My only quibbles would be that "light or fading dark, rain or shine" seems a
bit redundant, and could probably be cut. Also, and this is with my pedantic
sub-editor hat on, should it be "veins' and bowels'"? It could make sense as
it stands, and obviously you, as the patient, know better than us, but the
plural sounds more likely.
But those are minor quibbles. Good read, IMO.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Sally James
Sent: 22 October 2004 18:30
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: New Sub: Medication
For information on how Internet email incoming to the Northcliffe group is
handled, please visit http://nngi/results.asp?key=it7`1008200413324052300
Hi Arthur, Yes I know the feeling, having to take tablets every day is a
bind. just one quible you have "two dark ways" in one line. Could one
perhaps do? Like the "rain fish tailing" Bw sally J
>From: Arthur Seeley <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Sub: Medication
>Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 11:40:16 +0100
>
>Medication.
>
>
>
>Weary years
>
>that trail their weariness
>
>through my vein's and bowel's
>
>dark ways. Dark ways
>
>where years and life
>
>press and thread.
>
>
>
>Each morning,
>
>light or fading dark
>
>rain or shine,
>
>heavy rain fish tailing on the patio
>
>or sunbright dew across the lawn,
>
>I pop the foil, pop the pills.
>
>
>
>Seven, fourteen
>
>coffins popped,
>
>emptied foil strips,
>
>emptied days,
>
>weeks, fortnights;
>
>rag-lipped yawn
>
>of empty graves.
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