Thank you for your kind comments Sally. It has been dificult to write
anything else but this type of poetry over the past year as I have had a
great deal of personal loss as we all do at some point in our life. best
wishes Sally J
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub The going away James
>Date: Sat, 16 Oct 2004 21:02:33 +0100
>
>I think this poem is a wonderful exapmle of how poetry can help to heal us.
>When poetry is doingthis it is more for ourselves than for other people. I
>have found that a lot of your poems over the last year are healing, Sally.
>best wishes
>SallyE
>
>
>on 16/10/04 2:36 pm, Sally James at [log in to unmask] wrote:
>
> > Thanks for your comments James. I think this is a poem I should not have
> > sent in it is too personal. Hmm was how I was feeling at the time. Will
>look
> > at it again. Especially the last verse. Sally J
> >
> >> From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
> >> Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >> To: [log in to unmask]
> >> Subject: Re: new sub The going away
> >> Date: Sat, 16 Oct 2004 11:21:20 +0000
> >>
> >> Hi Sally,
> >>
> >> This is clearly a very personal poem. However, being objective, I'd say
>the
> >> best of it at present in in the first two stanzas with the others much
>more
> >> akin to prose, very flat, and I think there are things you could do to
> >> sharpen the depth emotion being expressed. Try for example not writing
>in
> >> sentences and go for the images. I wonder too if the "telling" of the
>last
> >> two stanzas make them absolutely necessary to the poem. Hope this is
>some
> >> help.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> bw
> >> James
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>> From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> To: [log in to unmask]
> >>> Subject: new sub The going away
> >>> Date: Fri, 15 Oct 2004 22:11:16 +0100
> >>>
> >>> The going away
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Wrinkles tell the story
> >>> folds of skin, fall in waves
> >>> hang like a noose
> >>> slack, around his neck
> >>>
> >>> Veins, no longer throb
> >>> pencilled blue lines in
> >>> the damp warmth
> >>> of his lingering hand
> >>>
> >>> He held on, till the last tick
> >>> till early morning clouds, paled
> >>> his last goodbye, and love for me
> >>> was the stroke of a finger in my palm
> >>>
> >>> Death took him, while I was away
> >>> asleep in a day, when the night
> >>> before, had been far too long
> >>> He needed his solitude to leave
> >>>
> >>> How men hurt, with their going away
> >>> and never coming back
> >>> last whimpers, when I am not there
> >>> to hold, and just be
> >>>
> >>> A life alone now, but with no regrets
> >>> my last sad song, a silent tear
> >>> for the one who went away
> >>> did not die, yet is not here.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Sally James
> >>>
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