Hi Catherine, Have revised thanks for comments

Another marriage bites the dust

She knew it would topple, built on sand
everything there to help them, no demand
no scrimping, saving, everything there,
someone else’s cast off husband, old arm chair

Thrown into a pool of sadness, tears again
no thoughts of grannie’s continued pain
watching grand babies tumble from the sky
disposable nappies hung on stars to dry

Rocking chair and knitting, no longed needed now
liberated woman manage on their own, somehow
husband, weeps into a cloud of steam
another nightmare, wakens him from sleepless dream

Not man’s faults or woman’s either
who can take the blame, guess it’s neither
they say this world’s not meant for two
according to the scientists, anyone can do.

The world moves on, nothing ever stays the same
but granny can never play their lover’s game
hopes everything will eventually turn out right,
tries to catch their babies falling through the night.


sally james



>From: catherine JF <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub Another marriage bites the dust
>Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2004 10:33:26 +0100
>
>
>   Hello Sally - I think this has the makings of a really good poem.  Maybe 
>just a bit of tidying up, like adjusting the line breaks, correcting the 
>punctuation etc.  I love some of the imagery - babies tumbling from the sky 
>and the nappies hanging to dry on the stars but I don't know if the babies 
>falling from =  nappies simile works.  On the other hand you don't want to 
>lose either of those images - just think them through with some sideways 
>logic!
>
>   I think the section from 'not men's fault' ... 'goes' is unnecessary as 
>you make the confusion experienced by the grandmother clear elsewhere and 
>it feels over explanatory.
>
>   Best wishes
>
>   Catherine
>
>
>
>   Another marriage bites the dust
>
>   She knew it would topple, built on sand
>   everything there to help them, no demand
>   no scrimping, saving, everything there,
>   someone else's
>   cast off husband, girl friend, old arm chair
>   Thrown into a pool of sadness, tears again
>   no thoughts of grandma, continued pain
>   watching grand babies tumble from the sky
>   like age old nappies hung on stars to dry
>
>   Rocking chair and knitting, no longed needed now
>   liberated woman manage on their own,these days
>   somehow
>   husband, weeps into a cloud of steam
>   another nightmare
>   wakens him from a sleepless dream
>   not men's faults or woman's too
>   who can take the blame, when this new world
>   they say, is not meant for two?
>   Maybe now, it's three or four or maybe more
>   "Move on" that's how the saying goes
>
>   The world moves on and nothing stays the same
>   but granny cannot play their lover's game
>   Hopes everything will eventually turn out right
>   Gazes at the stars
>   and tries to catch her babies falling through the night.
>
>
>   sally james
>
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