Hi Gary,
I'm liking the series, and following the flow of the poems, but I'm having
problems with this piece!
I think I can't read the last two lines of the first stanza as you intend me
to... because, in them, the poet is interrupting the flow of the narrative
to add a comment before the narrative continues. BUT I could keep trying to
read the poem as if it is ALL a continious narrative and I then find myself
getting confused.
I'd suggest making it clear that these two lines are thoughts and not
observations. I might put it like this:
and gossip from a month old newspaper -
our destination still well beyond thistle fields
and crabapple hedges -
here, leaden clay spatters the windshield,"
Or with other added words and/or punctuation for clarity. I might be
overemphasising what I'm getting at in how I've added things above.
Sometimes the most difficult thing is to be clear.
Even though the piece has a line that's ironic about being Open and then
Closed I sense I don't want that to relate to the couplet I'm highlighting.
I want the meaning to be more clearly stated. I want a smoother read.
Bob
>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New: The Ninth Wang Wei: An Unintended Interlude
>Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 08:05:33 -0700
>
>This was the most difficult to date, three separate versions before I found
>this one.
>
>The ninth in a series of transformations of Wang Wei's River Wang poems.)
>
>A River Transformed IX: After Wang Wei's The Cornel Grove (7)
>
>An Unintended Interlude
>
>A sign flashes green - red; red - green:
>O_en _losed O_en _losed O_en,
>the café parking lot promises weeds
>and gossip from a month old newspaper,
>our destination beyond thistle fields
>and crabapple hedges.
>
>Leaden clay spatters the windshield,
>wind pushes us towards an edge.
>Our journey less than half over,
>you will pour me the first cup
>and argue that we can not outrun the storm.
>I will shrug despite one shoulder's pain.
>
>Tipsy birds pass fruit from beak to beak,
>each bead a suggestion of promises to come.
>
>The literal translation from a web site.
>
>Bear fruit red and green
>Again as if flower further open
>Hill at if remain guest
>Place here cornel cup
>
>http://www.chinese-poems.com/ww6.html
>
>The fruit has been translated as dogwood berries. A cornel cup would be a
>cup made of dogwood. The poem has been titled Rivers of Dogwood, but is
>seldom translated.
>
>
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