Hi Again,
Yes, again thanks, I like the subtle approach suggestion. This has changed
form since this draft but i'll look at what you suggest.
bw
James
>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Time Pauses While Wang Wei Captures The Moment
>Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 12:24:03 -0700
>
>James, while I like it seems a bit heavy to me
>
>This journey has paused
>though carries on ahead involuntarily
>
>You see the old rowing boat moored on the estuary
>and feel the attraction
>
>The present scene looks as though all journeys have paused -
>for some it is a lack of need to carry on
>
>I would cut ahead in line 2 and am not sure the repeat works for me.
>
>I started my series with the idea of 9 to 10 syl count per line, but have
>got thinner in the last few - and might rewrite the first to be leaner.
>
>One thing the Tang poetry does you might consider is parrellism
>
>The dog runs round in circles
>The cat lays on a rag rug
>
>Perhaps such structure would give it a better feel.
>
>Sorry, but thanks much.
>
>Gary
>
>PS, consider the subtle approach - do not mention Wang Wei by name, instead
>"you open a book of the painter's poetry"
>
>Smiles
>
>
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