James, while I like it seems a bit heavy to me
This journey has paused
though carries on ahead involuntarily
You see the old rowing boat moored on the estuary
and feel the attraction
The present scene looks as though all journeys have paused -
for some it is a lack of need to carry on
I would cut ahead in line 2 and am not sure the repeat works for me.
I started my series with the idea of 9 to 10 syl count per line, but have
got thinner in the last few - and might rewrite the first to be leaner.
One thing the Tang poetry does you might consider is parrellism
The dog runs round in circles
The cat lays on a rag rug
Perhaps such structure would give it a better feel.
Sorry, but thanks much.
Gary
PS, consider the subtle approach - do not mention Wang Wei by name, instead
"you open a book of the painter's poetry"
Smiles
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