> Hello Bob,
            Many thanks for this and the ideas that you´ve planted in my fertile mind - fertile in the sense that it resembles a muddy field generously laced with dung. Give me time to play around with these and let´s see what sprouts. I especially like the modifications you suggest to the ending.



Best wishes,   Mike



> Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/09/15 ke PM 06:10:10 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: [PK] Huh, call that summer?+new sub
> 
> Hi Mike,
> Good to have you back on TheWorks! It's sort of assuring to discover that 
> someone else's summer could have been as wet as mine!
> And an interesting piece to return with – extending a cliché given in the 
> title and playing with metaphor.
> And I’m wondering two things…
> First: Is it too long? (Cos, at times, I feel you’re only really writing 
> about wine and women – and the song part doesn’t do much in the poem except 
> perhaps refer back to the title).
> 
> and Second: Is it too short – and not developed enough?
> 
> Thinking of the second (which interests me more!) I’m wondering if more 
> could be shown about the similarities between the Wine and the Song(s) and 
> the Women (or, woman!). Saying more about the song and the wine could show 
> more, by inference. And I guess you could be surprised by what turns up. 
> (The word "difficult" amazed me! Perhaps that's why I've become so 
> interested in the wine!)
> In focusing on the song comparison I feel the mention is too abstract just 
> on its own. What song? Is it what you (both) sang? Or is it heard played on  
> (whatever)? Or is there something else about it you can let us focus on?
> I feel as if I want details that I can recognise as what I would remember if 
> I was there as well as you. Ther poem is an invitation to share the 
> experience: your style seems to infer they only belong to you.
> So with the wine, I’m also playing the metaphor/similarities further. Wine 
> is much more than taste. Reading the poem, below, I’m feeling the wine has 
> more significance. But it could be that a balance of images (2 or 3 for the 
> music and for the drink? Or more?) might delay our discovery of the powerful 
> last mention of taste and, so, add to its significance.
> So, I'm just playing (and getting rid of the word memories - cos we know 
> they're memories! - how about something like this:
> 
> "... recalled through the years
> 
> and (like?) the way amber Sauternes
> catches (or caught?) the light of evening sun,
> it's gleam in the glass, the sip
> like the taste of the tongue
> of a lover who left long ago,"
> 
> Do you see how I'm playing. Changing from present to past tense changes a 
> lot, too! Which works better? Whaddya think?
> 
> Bob
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: [PK] Huh, call that summer?+new sub
> >Date: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 10:55:23 +0300
> >
> > >
> > > Huh, call that summer? It felt more like a cold shower.
> > > Hello troops. I believe at the start of the summer break I suggested 
> >that those few bods who were vacationing somewhat further south of the 
> >arctic circle than we stalwart souls who chose to pass the season inside 
> >Finland´s border were lost. In the event, however, it rather looks as if 
> >they knew something the rest of us didn´t. Oh well, I suppose it would be 
> >naive to expect a summer in Finland without rain.....a little less of it 
> >would have been nice though.
> > > And on that theme, here´s a rather wistful little piece.
> > >
> > > Welcome back, Mike. Thanks, it´s good to be here.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Wine, Women and Song
> > >
> > > Like a difficult wine,
> > > made of a sensitive grape,
> > > summer here often fails.
> > > But one year in ten
> > > there are days when the air
> > > is as soft on the skin
> > > as a lover´s caress,
> > > so unlike the burning sand (could this become the soil wine's grown in, 
> >perhaps?)
> > > and dry thirst of southern lands.
> > >
> > > Days that live in the memory (Days is a bit general, vague...)
> > > like the notes of a favourite melody (see notes above...)
> > > recalled through the years.
> > >
> > > Memories to be sipped,
> > > as one sips an amber Sauternes,
> > > the essence of summer on the tongue (don't like tongue mentioned twice!)
> > > like the taste of the tongue > of a lover who left long ago.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Mike
> > >
> 
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