Hi Bob,
I liked this, but like Mike I really struggled with the end of the first
stanza. I might be being very dense, but I couldn't work out the last line
of it at all. Does it need a comma after "knew"?
Otherwise though I enjoyed the idea behind it a lot, and the whole mood you
create in the second and third stanzas. There's a real sense of sad
inevitability and the transition from real life to the drama is seamless.
Very good read, IMO.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Bob Cooper
Sent: 14 September 2004 11:39
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Each Tuesday Night At Nine
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This began after Arthur mentioned a TV programme (and I started imagining
something completely different!). I'm still playing around with how long
sentences should be! Punctuation can help clarity, but it can also slow
things down! Anyway, this is where it's got to. All comments welcome:
Each Tuesday Night At Nine
Again I see the district where you live
on the telly. It's easily recognisable, scenic,
can look romantic filmed in low light,
and, if they want, it can easily be found
by those who see each episode,
who'll watch repeats, buy videos of the series,
and who may want to stand at the spot
where the script gave them something
they knew said how they'd feel being there.
But I lose the plot, see instead
your hand inserting the key, and mine
marked by the weight of carrier bags
closing the door. Then I hear the quiet
forgettable things: the low rumble of pears
tipped into the bowl, the crackle of cellophane
as the misshapen carton of paprika's set down -
And did we speak? I doubt it as the kettle's filled -
then the heroine turns from a similar window,
"I don't know what's happened," she says
tears in her eyes, "Where did we go wrong?"
But now I'm just watching the screen,
the close-ups, the pauses. I know how it ends.
Bob Cooper
And it's not the best of titles...
(OK, OK, stop making excuses! If it's iffy you'll probably get to know!)
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