Hi Gary,
Interesting...
But (isn't there alays a but!) is the phrase: "green as crocus leaves," 
referring to the lake or "the glint in your eyes." If it's the eyes why not 
put the phrases vice-versa? Even tho many lines include a pause somewhere in 
there's still confusion for me.
Does the last line mean: the fresh ground (ie earth!) is peppered ready for 
melting ice - surely not! I guess it means: freshly ground pepper (corns) 
are to hand for when the ice melts (or something like that!). If you mean 
the latter how about adding "ly" to fresh?
I like the matter of fact tone of the poem - so I guess I'm trying to nudge 
it towards ordinary languge (that's saying extraordinary things!) as opposed 
to some clipped, manipulated, poet-speak.
Bob



>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new: Out of the Alley and In
>Date: Wed, 8 Sep 2004 14:53:38 -0700
>
>(The eighth in a series of transformations of Wang Wei's River Wang poems.)
>
>A River Transformed VIII:  After Wang Wei's At the Lake Pavilion
>
>Out of the Alley and In
>
>Next to the street, the sound of a lone saxophone,
>near the back, a pile of cloth freezes in the shadows.
>One dog growls at another, anxious to leave.
>A door slams, the pack skulks into damp corners.
>
>A brown bag passed from mouth to mouth, hand to hand -
>the empty tossed, a fart, belch, stream of piss.
>Somewhere on the avenue, a girl laughs
>at the idea of a slow dance among shore side pines.
>
>You handed me a glass cold as the lake's surface,
>green as crocus leaves, the glint in your eyes.
>The dock turns white. Tonight, we will see
>each new journey begins at the start of the last.
>
>Snow, black flakes against a pale moon,
>fresh ground pepper for melting ice.
>
>*
>
>The literal translation from a web site:
>
>Small barge go to meet honoured guest
>Leisurely lake on come
>At railing face cup alcohol
>On all sides lotus bloom
>
>http://www.chinese-poems.com/ww8.html
>
>GO TO http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ THE BEST NEW ZINE ON THE WEB and to
>http://www.mindfirerenew.com/FireWeed/0904-front.html for our new monthly
>mini-zine.  Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!

_________________________________________________________________
It's fast, it's easy and it's free. Get MSN Messenger today! 
http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger