Hi James,
I liked this. There's an old gravel pit close to my house and earlier this
year the Canada Geese on it seemed to be swimming around in exactly the
fashion you describe. Very purposeful, old and young alike, just sweeping
from one end of the pool to another. Just as a matter of interest, what type
of geese did you have in mind?
I'd keep "in that light" because I think it can be read in a number of ways.
Perhaps the second stanza could be changed to:
"They moved in a single long line,
necks and heads aloft,
masts before feathered craft"
That's just personal preference, because you've already used "like" in the
first stanza.
Good read IMO, and I'll look forward to seeing the others in the sequence.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of James Bell
Sent: 04 September 2004 14:44
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New sub: The View From Here
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This is part of a new river poem sequence. Comments would be welcomed.
Today I counted 165 geese
swimming like an invasion flotilla upstream -
in that light they chose a dull day
though one in which
the river was calm and sharp to the eye
They moved in a single long line
with necks and heads aloft like masts
before feathered craft
that moved quietly in an agreed accord
that knew what came next
that knew I watched
with the confidence of those whose intentions
will not be changed
on a day when no other bird is present
bw
James
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