Hi Bob,
Thanks for the kind comments and suggestions, and I'm glad you liked it.
You're dead right about cottage and now you've said it it's so obvious I
can't imagine why I didn't use it in the first place! Like most poems (or
most of mine, anyway), it didn't really come out of a specific event, more a
general end-of-summer feeling, but I was thinking about a certain holiday
cottage in Wales I once stayed in for some of the details. So why on earth
didn't I use cottage, especially as it neatly avoids repeating the "house"
of "outhouse"?
With the "making sail" bit, I meant the couple to be taking the washing in
off the line ready to be folded and stashed for the next year, but I agree
it sounds a bit confusing at the moment and will need some tweaking.
Having said all that, it's felt like the end of summer since around the
start of July!
Thanks again,
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Bob Cooper
Sent: 26 August 2004 11:50
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: New sub: On The Last Day
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Hi Matt,
This is good, IMO! There's fine phrasings - empty the atlantic's yawn
fascinates me! In fact I like all of the details you mention. And, as well
as the things, I also like the way the two people in the poem move apart
near the end. The poem has many resonances built into it! (sailing terms =
travelling home:
neat!)
Like others, tho, I was a little puzzled by the line, "made sail for spring
with the fresh linen." which I take to mean you hung the washing out to dry
AFTER you'd done everything else that needed doing (I think I might have
hung the washing out long before the very last things!). Or... you may not
be hanging the washing out? You may be re-making the beds! What are you
doing? I was also wondering about the word "house" - OK, it may well be a
big house but I get the impression that I'm reading more about what I may
call a holiday cottage; could "cottage" be a better word? But, then again, I
also know you're returning next year, I get the impression you've been a few
times before as well. So, I'll let you ponder what I've been pondering... It
could well be that house is an OK word after all! Bob
>From: "Merritt, Matt - Leic. Mercury"
><[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: On The Last Day
>Date: Tue, 24 Aug 2004 16:17:00 +0100
>
>On the last day
>
>we made our usual rounds;
>tacked through grass heavy with dew
>down to the outhouse and bathing hut,
>pocketing windfalls as a northerly blew;
>battened everything shut
>despite knowing we'd return to find
>winter had worked its way inside.
>
>Back at the house we laid up the loungers
>and barbecue, brought the firewood in,
>made sail for spring with the fresh linen.
>After the inevitable this time next week
>I disappeared to find a shell that could
>empty the Atlantic's yawn and roar into
>my suburban ear. And you searched darkening
>rooms alone, for something we might use
>to carry the summer's light back home.
>
>Matt Merritt
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