Hi Matt,
This is good, IMO! There's fine phrasings - empty the atlantic's yawn
fascinates me!
In fact I like all of the details you mention. And, as well as the things, I
also like the way the two people in the poem move apart near the end. The
poem has many resonances built into it! (sailing terms = travelling home:
neat!)
Like others, tho, I was a little puzzled by the line, "made sail for spring
with the fresh linen." which I take to mean you hung the washing out to dry
AFTER you'd done everything else that needed doing (I think I might have
hung the washing out long before the very last things!). Or... you may not
be hanging the washing out? You may be re-making the beds! What are you
doing?
I was also wondering about the word "house" - OK, it may well be a big house
but I get the impression that I'm reading more about what I may call a
holiday cottage; could "cottage" be a better word? But, then again, I also
know you're returning next year, I get the impression you've been a few
times before as well. So, I'll let you ponder what I've been pondering... It
could well be that house is an OK word after all!
Bob
>From: "Merritt, Matt - Leic. Mercury"
><[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: On The Last Day
>Date: Tue, 24 Aug 2004 16:17:00 +0100
>
>On the last day
>
>we made our usual rounds;
>tacked through grass heavy with dew
>down to the outhouse and bathing hut,
>pocketing windfalls as a northerly blew;
>battened everything shut
>despite knowing we'd return to find
>winter had worked its way inside.
>
>Back at the house we laid up the loungers
>and barbecue, brought the firewood in,
>made sail for spring with the fresh linen.
>After the inevitable this time next week
>I disappeared to find a shell that could
>empty the Atlantic's yawn and roar into
>my suburban ear. And you searched darkening
>rooms alone, for something we might use
>to carry the summer's light back home.
>
>Matt Merritt
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