Hello Annabelle - there's a lot of excellent material to work with in this
piece and some original ideas. I particularly like the action of the
opening lines - it draws the reader in very effectively and introduces the
theme of movement that runs through the poem. I would consider some editing
though and also look at the amount of times you use the word 'as'.
best wishes
Catherine
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>Fall
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>People running through the streets
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>looking over their shoulder attract
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>not as much attention as
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>nimble clouds hatching swans
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>around truculent dinosaur’s teeth with
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>elephant’s ears.
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>A placid wind blows showing indifference
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>as I inspect the land
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>As it transforms from calm into Leviathan
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>during the Autumn months.
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>Fall hustles the leaves from on high into the gutter
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>stream.
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>The flowers skirts made of tulle
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>twirl as the cars drive by.
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>The trees attempt to hitchhike bending to meet the cars whizzing
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>along the road.
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>A man pushes and shoves a rake combing the ground while
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>Small children in constant motion wearing jackets
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>wool hats and scarves mimic the snowmen who
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>are to come and hold their place.
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>Annabelle Baptista
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