Its a fine thing to do and feel I must
try it myself. So congratulations on this wonderful transformation. As you
know I am a fan of Wang Wei too so carry a little biase.
bw
James
James, if you ever see I am not honoring Wang, please do not hesitate to let
me know. Try Li Po's Question Unanswered in the Mountains.
*
Lovely poem, Gary.
bw
christina
Christina, thanks.
*
Beautiful Garbro; I wonder if muted silence is redundant.
kol tuv, Ryfsis
Sis, it seemed ok till this weekend. I've decided they all need fewer
modifiers.
*
I'm not sure, tho, what " pits litter a splintered floor" means... Do you
mean that the floor is pitted (with pockmarks) and then got splintered by
something... Your phrasing confuses me - the word litter (in the meaning of
the whole stanza) is also carrying a lot of weight!
And here: "Beyond graffiti
>and oiled river..."
I want to say "and the oiled river" (add a "the"). I think the line could
accept an extra small sound, whaddya think?
Bob
Bob, pits litter is gone and river is now water.
Thanks much all for the help and kind words.
Smiles.
Gary
GO TO http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ THE BEST NEW ZINE ON THE WEB.
Issue 1 ready to read. Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, August 21, 2004 6:15 AM
Subject: Re: From the Observation Deck in a Chinese Garden
Hi Gary,
I think this is the kind of poem it is difficult to be critical about
because of the massive history behind it and the time lapse betwen versions
and the original. It alsopo hearkens to the timeless act of recreating poems
since the time of oral traditions. Its a fine thing to do and feel I must
try it myself. So congratulations on this wonderful transformation. As you
know I am a fan of Wang Wei too so carry a little biase.
bw
James
>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: From the Observation Deck in a Chinese Garden
>Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 13:44:32 -0700
>
>(The second in a series of transformations of Wang Wei's River Wang poems.)
>
>From the Observation Deck in a Chinese Garden
>
>Where there are no walls, there are no doors;
>nor windows to frame the world's shape.
>Above, a canopy of narrow yellow leaves;
>beneath my feet, pits litter a splintered floor.
>
>I tap dull, dark keys in muted silence;
>sometimes starlings answer, sometimes dust.
>No matter how far away I move
>the city replies to questions never posed.
>
>Move from the precipice. Beyond graffiti
>and oiled river, through smoke and summer haze,
>picture a simpler time, when all of this
>might have been motes in a madman's mind.
>
>In a world without walls, there are no windows
>to hold the moon, my songs.
>
>*
>
>Wai-lim Yip's literal translation of Wang Wei's Bamboo Grove
>
>alone sit dark/secluded bamboo(s) among
>strum lute and/again long whistle
>deep forest man not know
>bright moon come mutual-each other shine*
>
>*to keep company by shining/illumination
>
>GO TO http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ THE BEST NEW ZINE ON THE WEB.
>Issue 1 ready to read. Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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