Hi Ann,
Welcome back.
I agree with Christine's observation about the numer of whispers!
And I'm wondering about the line "but seed time and harvest" (and the
following line). I can link lots of the images to fairy tales but this line
feels not quite right... it's happening in winter, isn't it? Would children
think about such things on such a day?
I look forward to the rewrite!
Bob


>From: "V. W." <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Sub: If Only
>Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2004 09:17:32 EDT
>
>IF  ONLY
>
>From Pinkneys Hill
>they could  see the sombre grey
>of impassive  ambulance,
>waiting at  the familiar curb.
>
>Could feel  the darkness
>sweeping over  the face of the deep.
>Could taste  the iron behind clenched teeth
>Hear Trolls whispering.
>
>Perhaps if  they had climbed higher
>there would  have been magic apples,
>but seed time and harvest
>had failed  all promises.
>
>Above the whispered white out
>they search like  ravens
>for just one  rainbow
>but they  understand now about fairy tales .
>
>Even the old magic had   failed,
>avoiding the cracks as they walked
>backwards to  school.
>Whispering words
>that would mend the hole in the  world
>
>
>Ann Stockton

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