Ryfkah,
Some poignant moments in this poem. A poem that repays careful reading.
However I wonder if the title is as good as it could be? The problem I have
with it is that it sounds too biological, given the domestic setting and
metaphysical possibilities of the poem. Not that these things can't be
combined, but the poem doesn't give a sense of that, rather than a cryptic
juxtaposition. I suppose cats and people are organisms. (But cells? Few
cells are organisms in themselves.) Maybe it's my imagination that is
lacking. I like the sequences of images, particularly from "the gray cat
died...to through the years". The use of "the gray cat tiptoes" at beginning
and end of the poem is striking. It suggests a ghostly presence, alluded to,
elsewhere. It is still possible, however that the poem would work without
it, particularly if the presence of the ghost shadow at the end were
amplified in some way. Another possibility would be to make the title of the
poem, "The gray cat tiptoes past the window" or some such.
BW
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, January 10, 2004 6:43 PM
Subject: New Poem: Cells and Other Organisms
Cells and Other Organisms
the gray cat tiptoes–
the red-haired freckled son
meows mom rips her red dress
to duct-tape or safety-pin?
a paycheck wasted
the clock strikes midnight
pumpkins turn in moonlight
the gray cat died yesterday
she wept then buried him in the trash
along with coffee grounds
egg shells and dryer lint
her son strokes a kitten
a doorstep foundling
she shops in her closet
lots of red through the years
mother holds son
pieta fashion the kitten
fades beyond frozen
pumpkins and ghost shadow
–the gray cat tiptoes
Ryfkah 1/10/04
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