I hesitate to say that it needs this or it needs that because our ways of
writing our different enough that I might not be able to come in from a
helpful angle. However I wonder if the end of the poem could be improved.
Minor adjustments eg
Colin: thank you. I workshopped this one in more places than ordinarily
and have 7 pages of suggestions now printed. You were helpful and echo
others.
Smiles.
Gary
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