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Subject:

Re: Memories of an Old Chinese Proverb

From:

Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 08:31:37 -0700

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (61 lines)

Colin:

cobalt-flavored skies - I HEAR THIS AS "COBALT SKIES"
blue,
scarlet,
brown,
oriole orange
and gray.AND ANOTHER POTENTIAL PROBLEM IS THAT COBALT SKIES IS THEN FOLLOWED
BY A LIST OF COLOURS, WHICH EVEN INCLUDES BLUE, DIMINISHING THE IMPACT.

**much changed here based on several somments



beneath Columbia Glacier's bergs? A BIT CUMBERSOME IMO.

**now Columbia's bergs



Spruce beetles march
down the Tanana, Peace and Laird
to discover
how much they like white pine and popular.
I COULD DO WITH A COMMON NOUN IN L2 OF THIS STANZA. ARE THESE ROADS OR TYPES
OF TREES OR SOMETHING ELSE? I KNOW THERE IS ALWAYS MY PROBLEM OF NOT HAVING
ENOUGH LOCAL KNOWLEDGE BUT A COMPROMISE WOULD BE TO KEEP Tanana, Peace and
Laird, AS THEY SOUND GOOD BUT TO PUT IN A PROP AT THE END OF THE LINE FOR
THE OVERSEAS READER. INCIDENTALLY THERE IS A SUGGESTION IN THIS PART OF THE
POEM THAT GLOBAL WARMING HAS ARTIFICIALLY EXTENDED THE RANGE OF CERTAIN
SPECIES (AN EXCELLENT AND UNDERUSED SUBJECT FOR POETRY) AND I WONDER IF THIS
COULD BE MORE EXPLICIT.

**Now Tanana River, Peace and Laird.  Good call.  It could be more explicit, 
but only by extending the poem beyond what I wish.  I see a poem about the 
beetles later.



as a saw whines cutting winter's wood COULD BE "as a saw whines ON WINTER
wood"

hmmm

IN SUMMARY THIS POEM IS FULL OF EXCITING IMAGES, REFERENCES AND CONTRASTS
BUT I FELT THAT I NEEDED MORE SENSE OF A UNIFYING THEME.

Smiles.  There is, though you might have to dig.

Thanks much.

Gary






GO TO http://www.mindfirerenew.com/THE BEST NEW ZINE ON THE WEB.
Issue 1 ready to read.    Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!

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