Colin:
cobalt-flavored skies - I HEAR THIS AS "COBALT SKIES"
blue,
scarlet,
brown,
oriole orange
and gray.AND ANOTHER POTENTIAL PROBLEM IS THAT COBALT SKIES IS THEN FOLLOWED
BY A LIST OF COLOURS, WHICH EVEN INCLUDES BLUE, DIMINISHING THE IMPACT.
**much changed here based on several somments
beneath Columbia Glacier's bergs? A BIT CUMBERSOME IMO.
**now Columbia's bergs
Spruce beetles march
down the Tanana, Peace and Laird
to discover
how much they like white pine and popular.
I COULD DO WITH A COMMON NOUN IN L2 OF THIS STANZA. ARE THESE ROADS OR TYPES
OF TREES OR SOMETHING ELSE? I KNOW THERE IS ALWAYS MY PROBLEM OF NOT HAVING
ENOUGH LOCAL KNOWLEDGE BUT A COMPROMISE WOULD BE TO KEEP Tanana, Peace and
Laird, AS THEY SOUND GOOD BUT TO PUT IN A PROP AT THE END OF THE LINE FOR
THE OVERSEAS READER. INCIDENTALLY THERE IS A SUGGESTION IN THIS PART OF THE
POEM THAT GLOBAL WARMING HAS ARTIFICIALLY EXTENDED THE RANGE OF CERTAIN
SPECIES (AN EXCELLENT AND UNDERUSED SUBJECT FOR POETRY) AND I WONDER IF THIS
COULD BE MORE EXPLICIT.
**Now Tanana River, Peace and Laird. Good call. It could be more explicit,
but only by extending the poem beyond what I wish. I see a poem about the
beetles later.
as a saw whines cutting winter's wood COULD BE "as a saw whines ON WINTER
wood"
hmmm
IN SUMMARY THIS POEM IS FULL OF EXCITING IMAGES, REFERENCES AND CONTRASTS
BUT I FELT THAT I NEEDED MORE SENSE OF A UNIFYING THEME.
Smiles. There is, though you might have to dig.
Thanks much.
Gary
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Issue 1 ready to read. Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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