Hi Frank,
I agree that "rosella" is best left to sell itself, as you put it.
I know a word like that can be a barrier to readers occasionally, but I also
think that if you try to explain it, it strips some of the character out of
the poem, and it does no harm if the reader has to go away and read around
the poem a bit. I think the word itself adds a bit of Australian colour to
the piece.
Regards,
Matt




-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Frank
Sent: 18 July 2004 13:19
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: sub - loss of a rosella - repost/Frank - Colin


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Hi Colin,

Don't think I've responded yet, though I've been thinking about it.

I think I have to leave the word 'Rosella' to sell itself. The key colours
of the bird are red, yellow, blue and green, but the range of colour
combinations across the sub-species is just enormous. They are all, however,
quite beautiful, and an emblem of Australia. When I tried to find a picture
online, I was very disappointed withwhat was offered, so there's little I
can do to rectify the situation.

I'll consider 'anymore' on revision.

Cheers,


frank


> Frank,
>
> Thanks for reposting. I like this poem and it's management of text and
> sub text is handsomely done for such a short poem. Now "Rosella"? To
> describe
it
> properly or to leave the word Rosella to speak for itself? If I saw
> this bird everyday the I would want the latter. But if I don't know
> the bird
then
> the task might be to summarise it - and I'm wondering if  "beautiful
> bird
of
> colours" falls between 2 stools. It's superfluous for people who
> already know what it looks like and inadequate for people that don't.
> It might be possible to get round this problem by speaking to the
> metaphor e.g. by saying instead, "such a beautiful bird".
>
> You might also get away with deleting the word "anymore" from the
> poem.
>
> BW
>
> Colin
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Frank" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2004 3:51 AM
> Subject: sub - loss of a rosella - repost
>
>
> > Hi Colin,
> >
> > Repost, as requested.
> >
> > Cheers,
> >
> >
> > Frank
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > loss of a rosella
> >
> > I have seen a rosella
> > beautiful bird of colours
> > standing on the roadside
> > too close
> >
> > too close
> >
> > until the end
> > seems somehow inevitable
> >
> > when its mate has gone
> > the bird doesn't know
> > how to live
> > anymore
> >
> > I feel your absence
> > like loss of the good part
> > of myself
> >
> > I don't wonder how
> > to go on
> > I wonder
> > why
> >
> > ~
>
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