HI Colin,
I like this poem a lot in general but I find the rhythms at the end of the
piece not quite sure of themselves, I see what you are trying to say,
though. It doesn't have to be "poetic" to prevent it from being prosy/ It's
justsome problem at the end, which Sue maybe saw in terms of content, I see
in terms of rhythm.
bw
SallyE
>>
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>>
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>>> From: hui dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>>> Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: newsub/curtain
>>> Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2004 21:31:30 +0100
>>>
>>> I don't know if the italics will come through on this - let's try.\\
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Bamboo curtain
>>>
>>>
>>> "You're fit at sixty", I shout
>>>
>>> as Uncle and Aunt
>>>
>>> disappear uphill
>>>
>>> through the bamboo forest.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> "That's from Xinjiang",
>>>
>>> Uncle laughs as I catch up.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> We were shepherds in the Tienshan mountains
>>>
>>> for thirty years - our punishment.
>>>
>>> I'd said what I thought at the time
>>>
>>> and my wife was from a rich family.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> All day we have no view.
>>>
>>> Bamboo on either side
>>>
>>> thins to a thicket of oak
>>>
>>> at altitude.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> On the way down
>>>
>>> Aunt holds my daughter's hand
>>>
>>> and with her stick plumbs
>>>
>>> the green pipes for sound.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Then hazy valleys converge
>>>
>>> and bamboo breaks
>>>
>>> for tea and winter greens.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> At home, Uncle insists,
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> "You should go to Xinjiang.
>>>
>>> You'd love it there: blue sky,
>>>
>>> mountains, snow for months at a stretch."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> "And the Uigers?" I enquire,
>>>
>>> but Aunt cuts in with lowered eyes,
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> "You are a young man
>>>
>>> and you're very interested in politics.
>>>
>>> Have some more of the seven- treasure cake."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> __________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Colin
>>
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