Hi Hui,

My tiger days are all but done but thanks anyway. I think you are right, it
needs a little less of the anatomy bit and I like the other suggestions. I'm
not sure of the narrator here. The others in the series are disjointed for
some reason and I quite like how it happens.



bw
James





>From: hui dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub:Touch Here
>Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2004 20:49:52 +0100
>
>James,
>
>You're a wee tiger.  An adventurous poem but at times I'm left wondering
>who
>the subject of the poem is, the she or the person doing the touching or the
>we or they of S2. Whose point of view is this seen from? This is not a prob
>in S1 but by S2 I'm not sure who's being advised not go there.
>Please see text for further comments.
>
>BW
>Colin
>
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2004 1:19 PM
>Subject: New sub:Touch Here
>
>
> > Part of a series I'm working on at present. Maybe a little steamy for
>some.
> >
> > TOUCH HERE
> >
> > Touch here, she said, in that soft warm voice
> > while pointing at the raised nipple on her breast
> > and smiled, though not to be erotogenic. Just then,
> > for this world has its own sensuality, a private
> > murmur RAN ALONG THE INSIDE OF HER thigh.
>
>SUGGEST DELETION OF THE REST OF S1 AS IT STARTS TO GET TOO ANATOMICAL AT
>THIS POINT IMHO.
> >
> > Don't go there. First we want the ritual
> > of perfume to guide us to another LIE
> > one kind of reality, a generic likeness in a picture
> > of mass produced beauty, cloned without the aid
> > of wit OR willingness TO SAY goodbye;
> > for it was love when they vowed to stay together,
> > parting merely a litigious SIGH.
>
>ORIGINAL:
>
>
>TOUCH HERE
> >
> > Touch here, she said, in that soft warm voice
> > while pointing at the raised nipple on her breast
> > and smiled, though not to be erotogenic  just then,
> > for this world has its own sensuality, a private
> > murmur of pleasure on the warm inside of thighs
> > close to the heat of natural lubricants
> > that reside inside flesh lined with pubic hair.
> >
> > Don't go there. First we want the ritual
> > of perfume to guide us to another lie, that is
> > one kind of reality, a generic likeness in a picture
> > of mass produced beauty, cloned without the aid
> > of wit and the willingness of a goodbye;
> > for it was love when they vowed to stay together,
> > parting merely a litigious sigh in the ocean.
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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