James,
A nice wee poem and I thought it flowed well on the whole. Herewith some
minor suggestions to use or lose as you see fit:
you reach the hiatus of a blank page
as images APPEAR,
the Canada geese STILL
on their patch of estuary sand
with the tide well out
and the trickle of a river
going by in this heat -
nothing holds, you find no focus
though you try to pin down the feeling
as the geese enter the water to cool down
you realise June is a short month
and are tempted to buy those books
you saw in the the bookstore in town
realise too that it's Bloomsday
and are now ready to enter
another narrative THAN THIS.
>
>
>
I AM BIT UNCERTAIN ABOUT "BLOOMSDAY", ALTHOUGH IT MAY HAVE SPECIAL
SIGNIFICANCE FOR YOU. HOW ABOUT, FRIDAY OR SUMMER OR EVENING ETC, SOMETHING
ELSE THAT CAPTURES WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY ABOUT THE TIME BUT COULD ALSO HAVE
WIDER SIGNIFICANCE?
BW
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, July 10, 2004 10:12 AM
Subject: New sub: Sixteenth Of June
ORIGINAL
> A little late but there we are.
>
> SIXTEENTH OF JUNE
>
> you reach the hiatus of a blank page
> as images impact on the eyes
>
> the Canada geese are still here
> still on their patch of estuary sand
> with the tide well out
>
> and the trickle of a river
> going by in this heat -
> nothing holds, you find no focus
>
> though you try to pin down the feeling
> as the geese enter the water to cool down
>
> you realise June is a short month
> and are tempted to buy those books
> you saw in the the bookstore in town
>
> realise too that it's Bloomsday
> and are now ready to enter
> another narrative other than this.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
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