I have explained to Geert that he had joined a poetry workshopping group,
which didn't interest him, so he's unsubscribed.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Geert Verbeke" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 9:34 AM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] new sub Cradle snatching/Sally J
> I received also the private discussion below, in error.
> GV
> Website: http://users.skynet.be/geert.verbeke.bowls
> In Japan: http://home.alc.co.jp/db/owa/ph_diary
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "hui dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 9:46 AM
> Subject: Re: new sub Cradle snatching/Sally J
>
>
> > Sally,
> >
> > Yes I did like it and I think/feel the poem is ninety percent there.
> Maybe
> > the last line could become 2 or 3 lines if it would be helpful (to add
> > piognancy to what is also quite an amusing poem). I don't know what
change
> > you made since then and it could easily be that you have already amended
> it
> > to your satisfaction.
> >
> > BW
> >
> > Colin
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Wednesday, July 07, 2004 8:39 PM
> > Subject: Re: new sub Cradle snatching/Sally J
> >
> >
> > > Thanks for your careful reading Colin, you are right about the last
> line.
> > I
> > > have altered it after a sugestion from Barbara. To "and the same age
as
> my
> > > son". You are right about the "pecs" too, I should know this. I did
have
> > my
> > > doubts about "and no builders bum" so will revise again. I am glad you
> > like
> > > it. Sally J
> > >
> > >
> > > >From: hui dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > > >Subject: Re: new sub Cradle snatching/Sally J
> > > >Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 13:07:14 +0100
> > > >
> > > >Sally,
> > > >
> > > >I like this poem but I'm not sure about the last line. I suppose that
> > even
> > > >on the second reading and with the helpful title it comes across as
too
> > > >surprising. The first part of the poem is concise and vivid and comes
> > with
> > > >an amusing shift from the possibility of an elfin figure to the
sexual
> > > >athlete of the remainder of the poem. That's great because it's funny
> and
> > > >because it reminds the reader that things are seldom as they seem. I
> > might
> > > >leave out the last line of S1 " but no builder's bum" because it is
too
> > > >serious and concrete and detracts a little from the energetic shift
in
> > gear
> > > >in the lines preceding it. Peks should be pecs? BTW. Would Art in
this
> > > >context have a capital letter. I don't know. But it's worth checking
> and
> > > >others might know for sure. To return to the last line, the line
before
> > it
> > > >is excellent. It suggests the passage of time, wistfully apparent but
> > then
> > > >after that excellent penultimate line there is the confusing
> possibility
> > > >that the man on the roof is the narrator's son (separated from his
> > > >biological parents at birth, according to the title). Of course that
> > could
> > > >just be my defective reading of it. How about "friend of my son" or
> more
> > > >elegant equivalent?
> > > >
> > > >BW
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Colin
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >----- Original Message -----
> > > >From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:50 AM
> > > >Subject: new sub Cradle snatching
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Cradle snatching
> > > >
> > > >For the last few mornings, I have seen him
> > > >crouched upon the roof
> > > >rat a tat tatting with his little hammer
> > > >knocking in the nails
> > > >placing the tiles upon the roof
> > > >chest bare to the elements
> > > >trousers fitting snugly, around
> > > >his tight little arse
> > > >showing a hint of blue boxers
> > > >but no builders bum
> > > >
> > > >Sometimes he stops
> > > >pat his peks
> > > >wipes the sweat from his forehead
> > > >
> > > >When it drizzles
> > > >his six pack ripples in the rain
> > > >his hairless chest glistens
> > > >like it has just been polished
> > > >and a gold chain dangles around his
> > > >neat little neck
> > > >sways with the rhythm of his movements
> > > >
> > > >He is Art in motion
> > > >the builder of lost dreams
> > > >and some mother's son.
> > > >
> > > >Sally James
> > > >
> > > >_________________________________________________________________
> > > >Express yourself with cool new emoticons
> > > >http://www.msn.co.uk/specials/myemo
> > >
> > > _________________________________________________________________
> > > It's fast, it's easy and it's free. Get MSN Messenger today!
> > > http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
> >
>
>
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