Hi grasshopper,
No, I don't know the Graves poem, but I'm intruiged by what you're saying
about it!
And yeh, I guess we're talking about how to create a satisfactory Open
Ending To A Poem - an ending where the reader feels projected into a
conclusion they have to create from the pointers and facts provided.
It might be, therefore, that I (too) feel the Renior allusion (which is so
strong and clear) doesn't let me escape its vividness to recall the snakes,
stars, whatever, and doesn't give me space, or feel the impetus, to move
on...
... if the lines were switched round (tail first then face!) then I might
feel the animal was moving - and I could move with it! Have you thought of
that, tried that?
With the reader having to rely so much on what appears in the poem - and,
therefore, a lot less on their own memories of similar things to make sense
of images - it's all the more of a problem...
And, to me, I always read it with the impression, "this is a dream I'm
getting to know about here..." - the unreality of the poem is so vivid.
Bob
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: 3 Mormons or Whatever-Bob
>Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 14:23:55 +0100
>
>Dear Bob,
>Thanks for your comments. I know what you mean about wanting another line,
>but you have to fill in the ending yourself. Do you know a poem (by Robert
>Graves) about alien creatures coming up out of the sea into a small Welsh
>town ? It ends with someone asking something like : But what did the Mayor
>do? The answer is: I was coming to that... (and that's the last line)
>That infuriated me as a child. I wanted to know. But now I see that it's
>more fun to leave it open.
>Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Wednesday, June 09, 2004 1:01 AM
>Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: 3 Mormons or Whatever
>
>
> > Hi grasshopper,
> >
> > I'm intruiged by this! But feel it may not be finished! I want to keep
> > saying "And...?" after the fox appears - I'm wanting an extra line!
> > (Or, if not an extra line, then a title that helps me glimpse something
> > after you mention the fox!)
> > It might be that it's the word "smiling" that throws me - I tend to
>think
>of
> > animals who hunt who're near their next meal ain't smiling: they're
>focused,
> > single minded, keyed-up, etc. So I'm expecting the fox to be more, do
>more,
> > than you're letting him be or do.
> >
> > .... Or it could just be that I see a 14 line block of words and think:
> > sonnet - and cos you so often rhyme your sonnets in conventional
>patterns -
> > and I'm tripping over my expectations!
> >
> > But I think the first reaction I've written here's the thing I feel and
> > think most!
> >
> > Bob
> >
> >
> > >From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: New sub: 3 Mormons or Whatever
> > >Date: Tue, 8 Jun 2004 01:58:25 +0100
> > >
> > > 3 Mormons or Whatever
> > >
> > >I was standing on a wide plain
> > >scoured by dusty winds, when 3 Mormons
> > >came to bury me. They had broad shovels
> > >over their dark shoulders, and on each shaft
> > >they'd hung a water-skin and a lantern.
> > >The water was salt - their lanterns were unlit .
> > >I lay down unresisting in the hole
> > >they dug for me with murmurous prayer.
> > >Under the sandy weight they heaped upon me
> > >I slept a little. Slept and stirred and slept,
> > >until the sound of their retreating boots
> > >awakened me to a night of snakes and stars
> > >and a small tan fox with a smiling snout,
> > >with a tail as bold as Renoir's brush.
> > >
> > > (grasshopper)
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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