Dear Ryfkah,
I don't think we need to be told that a cemetery is a monument to death- I
think that's a given.
I hesitate to mention this issue again, but I do think this poem would be
greatly improved by standard punctuation.
I call Men Women...
That threw me right out of the poem, and it's not what you want a reader to
read, but there it is on the page. This is the sort of thing that
punctuation was invented to prevent, I think.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, May 30, 2004 5:24 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] New: Daisies
> Daisies
>
> The cemetery stands still
> like the monument to death it is
> Red white and blue color the green
> Ghost soldiers sit by gravesides
> wait for war to be no more
>
> I call Men Women you died
> for my freedom
>
> They stare their sorrow
> A Black Civil War hero
> grins spits vapor
> A WW1 casualty
> points a finger
> Another from WW2
> bows his face in hands
> From the Korean conflict
> a nurse holds the hands
> of invisible suffering
> My brother who died
> in Vietnam looks at my
> naivete as a great grand
> parent views a newborn
> A Desert Storm trooper
> sits alone and shakes his head
>
> From the Iraqi war an eighteen
> year old sighs
> and flips the peace sign
>
> I plant daisies on
> an unknown soldier's
> resting place
>
> Ryfkah 5/30/04
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