Yes I did think about the "likes" you are probably right. I think it needs
working on a bit more as the beginning seems to be a problem too so although
I like this myself will put it away and play with it again sometime. Sally J


>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub Hawthorn Blossom
>Date: Tue, 1 Jun 2004 11:39:27 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>
>Essentially this is quite a pleasant read. However, I find it very
>tentative, which comes from the overuse of similies. There are all together
>too many "like" occurances. Why not just simply state that this is the
>case.
>How you see it. Remove the likes and I think it will be an entirely
>different and beter poem.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: new sub Hawthorn Blossom
>>Date: Fri, 28 May 2004 17:11:18 +0100
>>
>>Hawthorn Blossom
>>
>>Blossom drops like loose stitches
>>from the knitted garment of life
>>a pattern of secrets
>>woven into the whole
>>falling like love lost
>>and lace petals
>>from the bridal dress
>>twig needles click in the wind
>>and branches cradle a soft green gown
>>make way for fruit yet to be born
>>blackbirds nest in the hawthorn
>>sing in the filigree of blossom and leaves
>>each bird their own song
>>their breasts not pierced like the robin
>>whose single chirp
>>can be heard only in the thorns of winter
>>when snow is the cloak that covers
>>melts in the varying light
>>instead of a falling to the earth
>>like the loose veil of May.
>>
>>
>>sally james
>>
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