Hi Sally,
Essentially this is quite a pleasant read. However, I find it very
tentative, which comes from the overuse of similies. There are all together
too many "like" occurances. Why not just simply state that this is the case.
How you see it. Remove the likes and I think it will be an entirely
different and beter poem.
bw
James
>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new sub Hawthorn Blossom
>Date: Fri, 28 May 2004 17:11:18 +0100
>
>Hawthorn Blossom
>
>Blossom drops like loose stitches
>from the knitted garment of life
>a pattern of secrets
>woven into the whole
>falling like love lost
>and lace petals
>from the bridal dress
>twig needles click in the wind
>and branches cradle a soft green gown
>make way for fruit yet to be born
>blackbirds nest in the hawthorn
>sing in the filigree of blossom and leaves
>each bird their own song
>their breasts not pierced like the robin
>whose single chirp
>can be heard only in the thorns of winter
>when snow is the cloak that covers
>melts in the varying light
>instead of a falling to the earth
>like the loose veil of May.
>
>
>sally james
>
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