Hi Sally
I'd like to put in a word for the first stanza here. True to say that Ted and Sylvia could be a bit more elusive and I think p0erhaps 'held them in their grasp' is borderline cliche, but I do like the echoes of 'Jerusalem' in the phrasing. don't know if that was intentional.
In the second stanza, I think some pruning would help a lot. For example, in the first line I think 'a kind of' is wasted; similarly, 'a hint of' is implied by 'flavours' in L6. Definitely worth another look.
Good luck with it.
Rob
>Hebden Bridge in May
>
>Did Ted walk these streets
>am I standing where he once stood
>did Sylvia shed tears near this stream
>did the shops beckon quietly
>or was it the moors, the heath
>the steep grassy slopes
>that held them in their grasp?
>
>There is a kind of peace here
>a new age charm that billows
>around my skirt
>there is a pulse in the air
>as soft as their whispers
>a hint of sadness flavours the cobbles
>and poetry dances from forgotten footsteps
>Blossom drips here now
>from newer branches
>falls like confetti
>around my ankles.
>
>Sally James
>
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