I like the narrative description in this poem.
The title seems fine to me
the tulips and hyacinths are now in the city formed into objects
I don't like the last couplet
while it sets the poem in Europe for those who might wonder about the
setting
for me it is a low-beat dismissive ending
that says to the reader
oh this was just a display for the tourists!
whereas
at home as a stranger
says it all in a much more open-handed way
and seems to me
a far better place to end the poem.
only other crit is
do you *really* need the phrase
of my childhood
after
Owl
?
yours
Gerald
----- Original Message -----
From: "Christina Fletcher" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, May 06, 2004 4:15 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] New sub: After the Scything of Bulb Fields
After the Scything of Bulb Fields
Snow White's eyes are violets and her hair
black tulips in a tight wire skull.
Mickey and Minnie pass by with Pluto
in a sea of hyacinths. Woven leaves
are mutant Ninja turtles and Owl of my childhood
formed of flowers I've never seen.
Now sound's rising over the heads of children
riding their fathers’ shoulders, rocks soften,
candy floss shivers and we're not breathing
cropped blossom curling inward, but air
of vast grasslands and mountain ranges
of men in Mongol costume whose throat music
praises the Altai and a yellow camel with a quick, pliable
pace.
Horse fiddle is violin and cello, one mouth two
simultaneous voices and I can't fathom the source
of the flute they're not playing over the drone
of a constant, fundamental tone.
And I'd stay here, at home as a stranger,
but the music stops and the crowd disperses.
I throw a Euro in the small, teak box.
christina fletcher
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