> Hello Bob,
This is a lovely poem. I thoroughly enjoyed it. If I had to offer a criticism I think I might focus on the word `sacredness´ which feels to me as if it introduces an element into the poem that is not needed and out of place.....but that may very well be a purely personal reaction and my innate scepticism of everything to which religious language applies. I also have a very faint uncertainty about the phrase `all they ever wanted is here´. The uncertainty is connected to the generalising tendency of the verse, which I think is a good and positive element in the poem but which, when applied to this phrase, draws me up a bit with the thought that it isn´t always that straightforward and a lot of men go to bed each night in the full realisation that everything they wanted is actually somewhere else. Again, this may just be me and the uncertainty is in any case only half formed.
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/05/04 ti PM 05:28:33 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Some Suburban Midnight
>
> H'm, it seems quiet right now...
> So here's a kinda quiet poem for some C & C:
>
> Some Suburban Midnight
>
> And how many men are stood like this in their socks,
> bare legged as they shake then hang up their trousers,
> smooth what’s draped on other hangers, then quietly
> close the wardrobe before peeping between curtains
> while their wives turn a page and muffle a yawn?
> Outside there are stars, countless stars,
> stars they never notice except on holiday
> when they glance up in the warmth of a barefooted instant
> perhaps mentioning childhoods when they stared,
> as how many other children have stared, amazed
> at their scatteredness, their distant sacredness.
> Soon they will lie with the light of their thoughts
> not realising that all they ever wanted is here
> as it was before they looked up from some beach,
> as it was before they didn’t look up, a blessing
> in the stillness of their dark bedroom right now.
>
> Bob
>
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