Hi Grassy,
Thnaks for thoughts on this.
I'm sure everyone else is right, but it's become the way I do my work now,
and I suspect it'll stay that way. It's become second nature and if that
means the impact of the work is less than it might be, I guess I'm causing
that limitation myself.
Never mind. It's only a bunch or words at the end of the day. No tsunami
will be released as a consequence, I don't suppose.
Cheers and thanks.
Frank
> Dear Frank,
> I know we've discussed this before, but I do think that a lot of
different
> things come into play, when you're presenting a poem on the page, rather
> than reading it. It's like that old thing about email communication being
> difficult, because the reader has no way to gauge the tone of it, and can
> read it in entirely the wrong way. I have often written something
> ironically, in a lighthearted way, and had other people take my joke
> entirely seriously, and be deeply offended as a result. If I had said it
to
> them, they would have known I was joking.
> The point is that readers are on their own when they're reading one of
your
> poems. I think, as authors, we should use every means at our disposal to
> help readers read the text as we wrote it, and it's a simple fact that
> line-breaks are just not enough. Punctuation has become a convention of
> written speech because it works - it's useful and facilitates
communication.
> For instance, it shows the reader when to pause, for how long, and reveals
> the relationship between different parts of a sentence. There may be some
> poems that are improved by having no punctuation, but, to be candid, I
> haven't read that many. If you have a good tool at your disposal, why not
> use it?
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Frank" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, April 28, 2004 1:54 PM
> Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] sub - change of seasons - Bob
>
>
> > Hi Bob,
> >
> > Thanks for your thoughtful comments on this matter.
> >
> > I'm aware of the conventions you describe, and have been known to use
them
> > at times, but not as a rule. And yes, I do want to show the pauses and
> guide
> > the reading on the page as well as when spoken. I sort of feel it needs
to
> > be the same - one poem, one presentation, but multiple purposes. Guess
I'm
> > at odds with a lot of folk on that one and just have to live with it.
> >
> > The crit has its effect though - usually in subsequent pieces that may
> well
> > be a little longer in line length, because I can't be impervious to
> comment,
> > even if I'd like to be. Never mind. The next stage is song, in any
case -
> a
> > whole new field to master and new conventions to strain.
> >
> > Cheers, and thank you.
> >
> > Frank
> >
> >
> >
> > Hi Frank,
> > I don't know if reading this'll help but I hope it does.
> > With your poem I too was initially prompted by the three lines that
> > mentioned his hat, his scarf and gloves, to start shuffling things
round,
> > and snipping, and joining things up! That stanza, with just the three
> items
> > in it, looked wrong.
> > I guess you were wanting to show reading pauses ie for performing, for
> > reading out loud to someone who doesn't have a text in front of them and
> I -
> > and others - were responding to text we saw.
> > I've got a few copies of poems I read at performances where my reading
> > script is different to the poem on the page. Sometimes I need to read
from
> > sheets of paper until I'm familiar with the poem (and the sheet of paper
> > includes words like "pause" or I may have underlined all the "t" sounds
I
> > want highlighted in a line or two when I'm reading, or one poem had the
> > instruction, "look up here and smile"!). No-one else is supposed to see
> > these copies, or my book I use for perfoming with!
> > I sensed that you were wanting to have performance-pauses but I was
> looking
> > at on-the-page-pauses and I was "trying" to get the words into lines -
> where
> > each line carried its own weight of meaning (more than letting a
performer
> > know when to pause because listeners don't have the screen, or a sheet
of
> > paper, in front of them).
> > And then a tough thing to say, poems need punctuation. They do. The
> commas,
> > full stops, dashes, and all else are part of the tool-kit (as are what
you
> > use: line-breaks). They're there to help readers (and they do, they
do!).
> > Long lines need more help to appear on the page than short lines, but
when
> I
> > look at my keyboard I see I've got lotsa keys with little marks on them
> and
> > ,. and - are the three I usually use in poems. (But I also use italics,
> > occasionally BLOCK Capitals, and, sometimes, quotation marks, the ").
I've
> > quite a limited repertoire. but they give me scope to write poems that
can
> > then use all kinds of shapes on the page - and I wouldn't be scared to
> > include the other things I've got on the keyboard because, dammit, it's
> the
> > poem that needs them so why shouldn't I let the poem have them!!!!
> > Bob
> > who doesn't think he's used a semi-colon in a poem for 10 years but who,
> if
> > the need arose, would hope he'd use one!
> >
> >
> >
> > > > change of seasons
> > > >
> > > > he dresses himself
> > > > in the first long coat
> > > > of the cool season
> > > >
> > > > the weather has fallen
> > > > the chill a drifting hover
> > > > above the ground
> > > >
> > > > gloves
> > > > a scarf
> > > > the knitted woolen cap
> > > >
> > > > the deciduous footpaths
> > > > are a litter of brown leaves
> > > > the sky
> > > > fading skeletal finger-shadows
> > > > of bare branches
> > > > and disappearing cloud
> > > >
> > > > the first mist materialises
> > > > with each exhaled breath
> > > > as he walks
> > > > hands in pockets
> > > > along the streetscape
> > > > of new night
> > > >
> > > > he is empty
> > > > as the feeling of the season
> > > >
> > > > ~
> > > >
> > > > a bicycle inquisition flashes past
> > > > all yellow reflections
> > > > and strobe-light examination
> > > > of presence and purpose
> > > >
> > > > the dog of indifference
> > > > sprays piss and paws the ground
> > > > oblivious
> > > >
> > > > at the corner of corio and maude
> > > > the light peering down
> > > > is a loneliness he avoids
> > > > by adherence to shadows
> > > >
> > > > why does the man-shape
> > > > behind a telling glow of cigarette ember
> > > > dally against the fence
> > > > what purpose to its watching
> > > >
> > > > move on
> > > >
> > > > ~
> > > >
> > > > on the avenue of exposure
> > > > there are no trees
> > > > no cover
> > > >
> > > > here it is rapid steps
> > > > and multiple following shapes
> > > > each drawn directly from the placement
> > > > of his feet
> > > > spreading out
> > > > a pointer to each available direction
> > > >
> > > > there is no help here
> > > >
> > > > he expected none
> > > >
> > > > expected nothing
> > > >
> > > > ~
> > > >
> > > > his shoulders have slumped
> > > > the further he has walked
> > > > the closer he feels
> > > > to the ground
> > > >
> > > > there is no comfort in these places
> > > >
> > > > above him
> > > > the darkness is complete
> > > > save for the twinkling lies
> > > > of faded representatives
> > > >
> > > > they do not assist
> > > >
> > > > ~
> > > >
> > > > in the light of a shopfront
> > > > he draws his cap lower
> > > > stops to look at the gaudy collection
> > > >
> > > > vacuum cleaners
> > > > refrigeration
> > > > a compact disk rack
> > > > one silent wide-television
> > > > flashing images and colour
> > > >
> > > > there is confusion here
> > > >
> > > > move on
> > > >
> > > > a vacant block is home
> > > > to a blackened gutted shell
> > > > that once sold yellow
> > > > faux-leather divans
> > > > reclining lounge wear
> > > >
> > > > an eyesore still
> > > >
> > > > ~
> > > >
> > > > his nostrils are uncomfortable
> > > > sensitised by the intake of cold air
> > > >
> > > > to wipe it would require
> > > > extraction of hand from glove
> > > >
> > > > he sniffs
> > > >
> > > > turns the corner
> > > >
> > > > there is no point
> > > > in stopping
> > > >
> > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > > >
> > > > The Book of Evenings is now available for purchase online. Check it
> out
> > >and
> > > > a review of the book on the Tales of Faust webpage
> atwww.talesoffaust.com
> > > >
> > > > While you're there, if you find something you like, take the time to
> nominate a poem for a future publication by the Tales of Faust publishing
> team.
>
|