Dear Bob,
 Many thanks for your comments.
     I confess I'm quite attached to surmounts, but I'll think about it. Orb
can go -how about 'coin' instead --linking it more to the silver and gold?
Kind regards,
      grasshopper

----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, January 09, 2004 7:16 PM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Garden birds


> Hi Grasshopper,
> Canny poem! Johnny Clare-ishly canny!
> A couple of nots to pick:
> "Surmounts" is an awkward word for a nifty bird...
> and I'm not so sure about the "orb" (comparing suns and orbs became
> something poetic to snigger about a couple of hundred years or so ago -
and
> I'm not sure the word's ready for a come back yet... ).
> Any chance of another (maybe more 21st century usable, 21st century
> belongable) bit of word/image play?
> Bob
>
>
> >From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: New sub: Garden birds
> >Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 17:49:07 -0000
> >
> >            Garden birds
> >
> >                    I
> >
> >A wren outside my window
> >preens in the glossy rhododendron leaves
> >then spills a line of liquid slip slip notes
> >three times too large for her frame.
> >Light as air, brown as earth,
> >she challenges the winter sky.
> >Jaunty-tailed, quick, and brave,
> >she does not know her size
> >or count the dangers in the grass.
> >
> >                     II
> >
> >A song-thrush surmounts the birch.
> >Bare of leaves, the tree shines
> >its bark into the grey day.
> >The thrush is singing fiercely, sweetly,
> >claiming branches and bark,
> >and the orb of heavy sun,
> >claiming silver and gold, marking all
> >as his own, his own, wrapped
> >in the strands of a high strong web.
> >
> >                     grasshopper
> >
>
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