> Hello Matt,
             Many thanks for your feedback on this one. I´ll give your suggestion careful thought.


Best wishes,   Mike


> Lähettäjä: "Merritt, Matt - Leic. Mercury"              <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/04/20 ti PM 06:59:42 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: New sub: At Dawn
> 
> Hi Mike,
> I like this, not least because it's kept me re-reading it all day coming up
> with different interpretations.
> I think I'd lose "and streaks the dawn sky", just because the later
> reference seems a bit repetitive otherwise, and you've already made it clear
> that it's dawn.
> Liked the ending a lot too.
> Very good read, IMO.
> Regards,
> Matt
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Mike Horwood [mailto:[log in to unmask]] 
> Sent: 19 April 2004 13:33
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: New sub: At Dawn
> 
> 
> THIS EMAIL HAS BEEN SWEPT FOR VIRUSES BY THE NORTHCLIFFE GROUP MAILSWEEPER
> SERVER.
> 
> At Dawn
> 
> I never wanted this, the heart pumping,
> blood punishing the veins in thin wrists.
> 
> The skin below my ribs parts and tears
> and the orchid pushes its silky stem
> at the wound´s livid lips,
> stretching flaps of flesh
> into a red-raw O.
> 
> Orchis raises his headbud,
> dislodging cells like grains of soil,
> rippling my belly and I cannot look
> away, though the starting day lights
> the vegetable world outside my window
> and streaks the dawn sky.
> 
> Could I rise and step out, barefoot,
> on the cool grass beneath the trees?
> 
> I lie back on my pillow in single
> contemplation of the orchid blooming
> below my heart, streaked purple and yellow,
> lurid as any sky at dawn
> and imagine the feel of cool grass on bare feet.
> 
> 
> 
> Mike
> 
>  
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