Hi Grasshopper,
Canny poem! Johnny Clare-ishly canny!
A couple of nots to pick:
"Surmounts" is an awkward word for a nifty bird...
and I'm not so sure about the "orb" (comparing suns and orbs became
something poetic to snigger about a couple of hundred years or so ago - and
I'm not sure the word's ready for a come back yet... ).
Any chance of another (maybe more 21st century usable, 21st century
belongable) bit of word/image play?
Bob
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Garden birds
>Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 17:49:07 -0000
>
> Garden birds
>
> I
>
>A wren outside my window
>preens in the glossy rhododendron leaves
>then spills a line of liquid slip slip notes
>three times too large for her frame.
>Light as air, brown as earth,
>she challenges the winter sky.
>Jaunty-tailed, quick, and brave,
>she does not know her size
>or count the dangers in the grass.
>
> II
>
>A song-thrush surmounts the birch.
>Bare of leaves, the tree shines
>its bark into the grey day.
>The thrush is singing fiercely, sweetly,
>claiming branches and bark,
>and the orb of heavy sun,
>claiming silver and gold, marking all
>as his own, his own, wrapped
>in the strands of a high strong web.
>
> grasshopper
>
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