> Hello Christina,
                  There is a lot that I enjoyed in this piece and it will be interesting to see how it develops if you continue to work on it. For what it´s worth, and in the hope that it might help in the revision process, I´ll list things that struck me as +, - and ?.
First + 
1. I like the title. I don´t know what it means, but it´s something technical to do with the art of art (or should that be the nature of art?)It´s enough for this non-specialist to get the gist and know he knows no more. What I like about it is the sound. `Slaking the lime´ sounds so nice. I´ve always enjoyed slaking my thirst and I imagine I could do it to the lime, too.

2. I love the alliteration in line 1 and the way the sounds appear in different orders in `sketch´, `insect´ and `section´, in line 2 `each as´ and `much as´ was taking a risk but I think it comes off and the long `aa´ sounds in `plaster´ and `hardened´ complete a very musical first stanza.

3.  I like the artist´s comment `I knew nothing could be better than space´, it makes the reader think, it expresses some kind of self-doubt (perhaps) it highlights the importance of what is not included, it creates a certain `space´ in the poem.

4.  `Powdery pinpricks on wet walls´ is a very nice line.

5.  I think S4 conveys the sense of the artist at work.

6.  I like the alliteration again in `crick´, `neck´, `back´ and `broken´.


Next -

1. In the penultimate stanza, I´m not sure that using the word `back´ twice really works.

2.  I thought the reference to real insects getting stuck in the artist´s  materials in the final stanza was a bit predictable, though I can see the temptation to bring the poem to closure in this way, but I think a more surprising ending could be more powerful.

And then one ?

1.  I was a bit puzzled by the word `pounced´ in S2. Is pouncing a design a technical expression? In ordinary usage I would have expected the preposition `on´. An artist might `pounce on´ a design in the sense of suddenly perceiving the right combination of elements that had been eluding him/her and quickly execute it before the glow of inspiration is lost. Was this the idea you intended? If so, I think it needs the preposition to be clear, and it seems a bit at odds with the preceding phrase, if I´ve read that right.

Well, there it is. I hope it is of some use.


Best wishes,   Mike




> Lähettäjä: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/04/18 su PM 02:20:21 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: New sub:  Slaking the Lime (first draft)
> 
> 
> 
>                 Slaking the Lime
> 
> 
>                 I sketched insects in small sections ---
>                 each as much as I could paint in one session
>                 before the plaster hardened.
> 
>                 Slaking the lime, I knew nothing
>                 could be better than space. Still,
>                 I pounced my design ---
> 
>                 powdery pinpricks on wet walls ---
>                 without time to question
>                 wing angles or the sheen of a blowfly.
> 
>                 Quick marks: sky through stalks
>                 and green lacewings,  a mouthless mayfly,
>                 the sheath of a wood wasp.
> 
>                 There's a crick in my neck,
>                 my back's broken.  Stepping back,
>                 I think of the cheque.
> 
>                 An ant sticks to the surface.
>                 Aphids float and drown
>                 in a pot of pigment.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>                 christina fletcher
> 
>