Hi all,
Thanks for all the comments about this one! They're really very helpful.
I think Helen's touched on what worries me most... the lines before and
after using those no-no words "anguish" and extasy" (but why leave the words
to wallow in their own self-indulgence and self-pity?). When I start to
compare things to the CD then I think I'm struggling until I get to the
Jimmy Ruffin song. I've cut and altered and brought things back and changed
how phrases are ordered so many times! I guess, tho the poem's based on what
happened to me, I'm now more concerned about what the poem's saying than
recording the incident that prompted it. So it needs more work!
(One thing I was very aware of, myself, was the smoothness, the flatness, of
the music - and how much more "life" the songs had with the tinny noise of
45s when the music came through replacing the amplified roar and hiss!)
And, mea culpa, Gary & Ryfkah, the "ings" at the end! I've swopped them for
other word endings a fair few times - but it might be that, somewhere deep
in my mind, there's recollections of the songs they were singing where "ing"
endings added to the musicality of the words. I think I may have to play
with the rhythm a few lines back to rid me of my desire to have two together
like I've got!
And, Frank, with the play of past and present tense... I guess I'm trying to
play the poem from the present to the past tense - but, right at the end,
with "sang" and then "sing", I was trying to say: "we then thought we could
sing!" (and we may not think we could now...). Complex. If I mess with that
then I might solve other issues too! Thanks!
Bob


>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Wednesday, April 07, 2004 3:11 PM
>Subject: Faced By The Tamala Tribute Group
>
>
>Perhaps it's about time I put a poem out...
>Here's one surfacing for some C&C:
>(oh, and the 2nd line in the title bit, if my e-mail could manage it, would
>be in italics and appearing in print that was a couple of points smaller!)
>
>Faced By The Tamala Tribute Group
>Palma Nova, Mallorca, 2004
>
>They're Spanish. They raise their right arms, riffle their knees,
>lift up their heads, breathe in and gleam, then stop
>in the name of love as the two almost dressed women
>and a shiny suited man sing a Supremes song. We listen
>to their pronunciations too sleek for meaning
>and, like a CD, too smooth for the weight of the stylus
>while the words turn up the volume of memories -
>our anguish, our first ecstasies - they sung what they meant
>in phrases that never felt glossed - they shimmied,
>they wept - because after the silence came the hiss
>as the next one asked what became of the broken-hearted
>and we sang with our souls, stressing and pausing,
>believing we could sing off by heart the next one too.
>
>
>Bob Cooper
>
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