Yes I won't give up on it and will send in a revised version soon. In the
meantime have written another poem will send later. Sally J
>From: Helen Clare <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub letting go
>Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 11:45:31 +0100
>
>You know I don't think this is so far off - as a selection of images in a
>slightly surreal poem it works well. Its the tying it to the idea of
>letting
>go, which is only really meaningful to you where the problem occurs.
>What would happen if you changed the title and removed the first line, and
>possibly removed the first person references so it went something like:
>"the wind catches its breath on a hot day the moon drops.... etc"
>Rather than referring to the despair in the title you could use what caused
>the despair. "After you've gone" or whatever.
>Don't give up on it at any rate.
>Helen
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, April 15, 2004 11:06 AM
>Subject: Re: new sub letting go
>
>
> > Yes you are right Grassy. These are just random images that came to my
>mind
> > about despair. I am trying to get back into writing something
>meaningful.
>I
> > need to be more disiplined you are right in pointing this out. Sally J
> >
> >
> > >From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: Re: new sub letting go
> > >Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2004 12:37:37 +0100
> > >
> > >Dear Sally,
> > >
> > >My problem with this is that I can't see how that images you choose
>refer
> > >to
> > >'letting go', or not....
> > >They read rather like a random list of Poetic cliches to me. Am I
>missing
> > >something?
> > >
> > >Kind regards,
> > > grasshopper
> > >
> > >----- Original Message -----
> > >From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 2004 11:59 AM
> > >Subject: [THE-WORKS] new sub letting go
> > >
> > >
> > > > Letting go
> > > >
> > > > I can't let go
> > > > I am the wind
> > > > catching it's breath on a hot day
> > > > the moon dropping through a curl of cloth
> > > > a silver coin tossed in a black hole
> > > > rain around a red rainbow
> > > > the sun melting on a lake of ice.
> > > >
> > > > sally james
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Use MSN Messenger to send music and pics to your friends
> > http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
> >
_________________________________________________________________
It's fast, it's easy and it's free. Get MSN Messenger today!
http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
|