You know I don't think this is so far off - as a selection of images in a
slightly surreal poem it works well. Its the tying it to the idea of letting
go, which is only really meaningful to you where the problem occurs.
What would happen if you changed the title and removed the first line, and
possibly removed the first person references so it went something like:
"the wind catches its breath on a hot day the moon drops.... etc"
Rather than referring to the despair in the title you could use what caused
the despair. "After you've gone" or whatever.
Don't give up on it at any rate.
Helen
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, April 15, 2004 11:06 AM
Subject: Re: new sub letting go
> Yes you are right Grassy. These are just random images that came to my
mind
> about despair. I am trying to get back into writing something meaningful.
I
> need to be more disiplined you are right in pointing this out. Sally J
>
>
> >From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: new sub letting go
> >Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2004 12:37:37 +0100
> >
> >Dear Sally,
> >
> >My problem with this is that I can't see how that images you choose refer
> >to
> >'letting go', or not....
> >They read rather like a random list of Poetic cliches to me. Am I missing
> >something?
> >
> >Kind regards,
> > grasshopper
> >
> >----- Original Message -----
> >From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: <[log in to unmask]>
> >Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 2004 11:59 AM
> >Subject: [THE-WORKS] new sub letting go
> >
> >
> > > Letting go
> > >
> > > I can't let go
> > > I am the wind
> > > catching it's breath on a hot day
> > > the moon dropping through a curl of cloth
> > > a silver coin tossed in a black hole
> > > rain around a red rainbow
> > > the sun melting on a lake of ice.
> > >
> > > sally james
>
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