Hi grasshopper,
I guess the iambic beat is the hidden regulator in lots of poems... (so much
so it's often fun to throw a wobbler of a word into a line to try and
enliven what's going on!).
What I've found with revising when focusing on specific words or phrases
somewhere inside a line I'm often originally looking for one that's got a
near as duplicate sound... then, when I'm conscious I can't replace
"delightful" with (say) "decietful," I still keep looking for a replicating
rhythm! It's as if the poem's established itself in my head as "sound
patterns" before "meaning" gets to intervene in any revision of what's going
on...
It's the ear that writes and revises!
I also think it's not just the writer that gets hypnotised by the rhythm! I
feel the reader gets caught by it too (but sometimes hears its stresses
differently...).
Bob


>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Shahrazad's Earrings-thanks for comments
>Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2004 19:00:31 +0100
>
>Whoops,my chance for a correction. I meant to write iambic octameter.
>What I didn't make clear, Helen, was that suggested re-writes ignored the
>iambic nature and treated it as unmetered rhymed verse.
>Kind regards,
>      grasshopper
>
>   ----- Original Message -----
>   From: grasshopper
>   To: [log in to unmask]
>   Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2004 3:54 PM
>   Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Shahrazad's Earrings-thanks for
>comments
>
>
>   Many thanks to everyone who commented on this one.
>
>   Helen, yes, it is very slight- can't deny it. I was thinking in terms of
>it being one of a short series based on the 1001 Nights.
>   One thing interested me about the crits I received on a board where
>members are generally very knowledgeable - nobody seemed to pick upon the
>fact it's iambic pentameter,or any regular metre.  Are people becoming less
>metrically aware this days, I wonder?
>
>   Kind regards,
>        grasshopper
>     ----- Original Message -----
>     From: Helen Clare
>     To: [log in to unmask]
>     Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2004 7:52 AM
>     Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Shahrazad's Earrings
>
>
>     Hi Grassy
>     Arguably more style than substance (possibly like the earrings
>themselves) but what style! The words and sound combinations sparkle. I
>need those citrines.
>     H
>       ----- Original Message -----
>       From: grasshopper
>       To: [log in to unmask]
>       Sent: Saturday, April 10, 2004 4:58 PM
>       Subject: New sub: Shahrazad's Earrings
>
>
>       .......Shahrazad's Earrings
>
>       The citrines in her tender lobes
>       were peach juice petrified - bright globes
>       that snared my gaze with orange fire.
>       My heart was ambered in desire.
>
>                                     (grasshopper)
>
>

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