Hi Ryfkah
This is very interesting... the comparison between the image on the TV
screen and the painting. I'm not sure that the transition in the last stanza
happens quite smoothly enough. It's maybe a show not tell thing. The dots
dancing on the tv screen, the news presenter etc, rather than explaining to
the reader what is happening.
Best wishes
H
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, April 10, 2004 6:35 PM
Subject: Revision: Point Made
Point Made
A point in a Seurat painting
the man with no legs
watches the women in the park
They are with and without children
A Japanese woman leans against
a cherry tree in April blossom
the breeze swirling petals as rain
A Latin girl reclines on a blanket
her back exposed to the sun
Her feet dangling in the lagoon
another pregnant stares at a mother
duck parading with her ducklings
Water lilies open mouthed yawn
In the shade of a weeping willow
an African American widow laughs
while a new lover tickles her feet
Chasing a toddler
a lady from Appalachia
smiles at her boy’s antics
Her daughter reads a book of
poems by Stephen Crane
The man with no legs looks back
on the Iraq war playing and replaying
the explosion in the market
All the women and several children
and he were points in a TV newscast
Ryfkah 4/9/04; R4/10/04
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