Hi Bob,
Funny isn't it? I haven't tried reading aloud. Afraid I won't 'get' what it
sounds like inside my head.
You're right though - reading aloud is probably the best test for the piece
and I may have to give it a shot when I get to spoken word next (after
Easter).
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Frank
> Hi Frank,
> I'm wondering if you need to say "the right keys"? I'm thinking it may be
> enough to just say "the white keys" - I guess most, if not all, people
know
> what this person is, and isn't, doing when she's sat there.
> It seems to be a piece that needs to be spoken out loud. On the page it
> appears to sprawl its way down, but when I say it I find its rhythms, its
> mouth music. But I also like the way just having short unfinished lines,
> lines that need us to accept the pause then carry on, illustrate her
> uncertainties, her state of mind.
> Bob
>
>
> >From: Frank <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: Sub - right keys - Ryf - re-post
> >Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 17:32:14 +1000
> >
> >Hi Ryfkah,
> >
> >I've got a bad feeling that I didn't post the entire poem when I
submitted.
> >I only twigged because the piece actually does go back to the keys for
its
> >ending.
> >
> >How embarrassment. If it's ok with you I'll post again, below. And even
if
> >it's not, I guess.
> >
> >Hope it makes more sense when entire.
> >
> >Sorry,
> >
> >
> >Frank
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~
> >right keys
> >
> >fingers down
> >on the white ones
> >
> >a little bit of pressure makes a sound
> >that rises up
> >only as firm
> >as her uncertainty
> >
> >one hand on the white ones
> >
> >one-two
> >
> >one
> >
> >
> >
> >two one-two
> >
> >she wants to tell the world
> >wants to tell everyone around about
> >the fall in love
> >but her heart
> >won't
> >stop racing
> >she can't
> >slow her thoughts down
> >doesn't know how far she ought to go
> >isn't even sure of what she really knows
> >so disrupted that her mind
> >strays to new clothes
> >and how she can be sure to look right
> >before they meet again
> >
> >when they meet again
> >
> >.
> >.
> >.
> >.
> >
> >she wants to write a song
> >
> >her fingers splay and play over
> >the white keys but
> >they're holding back
> >from any false notes
> >a mistake
> >might undo it
> >all of it and everything
> >is down to
> >hitting every key clean clear and
> >singing to his heart
> >striking only
> >
> >on the right keys
> >
> >only the white keys
> >
> >~
>
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