Shalom bob,

It's a poem about two woman loving each other.  I was trying to paint a
background setting.

Thank you for your thoughts.

kol tuv, Ryfkah

In a message dated 03/29/2004 7:00:45 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:

<< Hi Ryfkah,
Scuse me being brutal here with the scissors! But I think things can happen
with this... But I'd cut chunks out first... (the moth and the hip hop band
seem scene-setting images that don't get any resonance further down the
poem!) so I'm left with:
Glass empty (or "Glasses empty"?)
I hold her hand
nails deep scarlet
like her lips   Fingers
with silver rings slither
across mine
Our shoulders touch
We kiss  Our perfumes
wed   The swell of our
breasts merge  We are
Lillith and Eve
EveryWoman
(Now I know what the poem's about!)
(Moths & Sighs are sort of weary of being in poems... in the UK we'd say
Mills & Boonish!)
(but now I'd worry about the word "kiss" - it's a bit ordinary...)
(then I'd wonder if the "Eve & Lillith/Everywoman" is right... it's an
intruiging image but it seems stuck onto the poem to maybe hide something
else, something more original perhaps...)
Bob
Who's loved the way you've incorporated bands in your poems in the past -
but can't find any of that energy here! >>