Hi Frank,
This drifting philosophical tone doesn't fit your style well. You are much
better when you focus on something concrete and draw poetry from actuality
rather than supposition based on mind thoughts. Its a difficult balance to
achieve. Hang this in some kind of context and it would come through a lot
better. At present I find it not much further on from teenage angst.
bw
James
>From: Frank <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub - an absentee; a companion
>Date: Sun, 21 Mar 2004 22:45:33 +1100
>
>an absentee; a companion
>
>and it comes
>at last
>in these middle years
>even to me
>
>tempestuousness
>it seems
>passes with youth
>until a point
>
>you searched for it long ago
>but I was hungry then
>driven
>moving at pace
>
>ravenous
>
>my analysis
>yes I was the analyst even then
>my analysis knew
>that you longed for affection
>for evidence
>of that soft emotion
>
>while I
>sought what I believed
>were the great intimacies
>physical knowledge
>too soon then
>for me to pursue
>the gentle sport of peace of mind
>
>perhaps that's the nature
>of youth
>pursuit of the unattainable
>simplistic complexity
>
>until
>another day spent alone
>wondering who's to be called
>to break the surrounding silence
>and a realisation that affection
>is a desirable absentee
>with regret
>an abiding companion
>
>I remember though
>what you wanted
>
>know that I have arrived there
>in these middle years
>such a long way
>behind you
>
>~
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