> I wanted to suggest a sense of regimentation and authority in the phrases
`single fileī and `bang of desklidsī to reinforce the images of coercion and
control earlier in the poem, the sense of the narratorīs having been to some
extent determined by his experience of the education system, but I donīt
know whether that comes across at all.
Didn't to me, I'm afraid - but it's an interesting aim. I just think it
needs a bit more room in the poem if its going to have an impact.
Terri )O(
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Mike Horwood
> Sent: 15 March 2004 12:10
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: New sub: Soaked
>
>
> Soaked
>
> It was a wet morning in `61 or `2
> when the rain streamed down in rods
> from a grey sky and shattered round our shoes.
>
> There were jumping pockmarks on a ground
> where we could not separate asphalt from puddle
> on a day before we knew the word `torrentialī.
>
> The playground was deserted and hazy,
> the school entrance a frame for heaving backs
> pushing the blockage in front, and wet, grey socks.
>
> The jostling mass carried me on to the cloakroom,
> the muggy atmosphere full of the jabber of voices
> and smell of wet gabardine heavy in my nose
>
> as I squirmed and squeezed along the line
> of uniform navy-blue raincoats to the haven
> of my familiar peg, determined by my rank
>
> in the height range of my class.
> Then the struggle with belt and sleeves,
> a residual dampness, single file, bang of desk-lids.
>
>
>
>
> Mike
>
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